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How do I manage teenage behaviour in the classroom?

Writer: Kate O'Donnell
Kate O'Donnell
5 days ago
5 min read

Managing Teenage Behaviour

When you are the teacher of teenagers it can feel like you face new and mystifying behaviour challenges every day.

If you haven’t already read it, Why are They Like This? is a great place to start in understanding the science of why teenagers can move from amazing to frustrating in the blink of an eye!

In this blog, we are looking at negotiation and management techniques, with approaches that focus on working with teenage brain’s development rather than against it.



Tips for getting them to listen

First up, as adults, we need to set things up for success. Teenagers, no matter how much they think they know everything, are still learning, and they will often copy the behaviours shown to them by the adults in their lives, especially their role models.


So, if teachers go into the conversation angry, it is likely that teenagers will respond with anger, sulking or withdrawal. None of these is going to get a conversation flowing. This doesn’t mean that adults can never get angry! We will be frustrated and annoyed sometimes but we need to think about how and when to best express that so that the young person actually changes the way they behave, instead of hiding it, or making it even worse. Wait until you are relatively calm before you launch into the lecture.


Also, you want to avoid times when the conversation is likely to fail. A good way to remember this is “HALT”. These stand for: Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. You want to avoid bringing up a tough conversation if you or the teenager is in one of those states! 


Strategies to use BEFORE there is a problem

  1. Talk about why you have behaviour rules

Before setting rules, talk about why it matters, for example:

  • Ensuring physical safety and mental health (for all of you!),

  • Building the skills to be independent,

  • Having a relationship based on trust.

  • Negotiate Boundaries 

  • Define the consequences of a boundary being crossed or a rule being broken. Keep the rules simple and few, and allow students to be contributer to the conversation about consequences. An example might be on the use of phones at night. If the teenager is regularly distracted because of phone use it may be agreed that the phone gets left on the teacher's desk during class.

  • Agree on autonomy

Identify areas where teens have full control. Scientific literature suggests that autonomy reduces overall conflict. For example, time management. How they use their free time as long as academic obligations are fulfilled can be up to them.



Strategies to use when a rule is broken


1. Acknowledge emotions

Neuroimaging studies show that when teenagers feel misunderstood, their brain enters a defensive state, which makes it really hard to process logic. Validating the emotions they are showing can help lower their stress. This can be hard to do but before telling them off, or even offering advice, acknowledge what they are feeling 

Once the emotional spike subsides, the "rational" brain is more accessible for a calm conversation.


2. Take the Pressure Down

Face to face sit downs are hard for teenagers. They don’t always have the right skills to manage difficult conversations where, let’s face it, the adult usually has the power. Eye contact can be hard when they are fired up or defensive, especially if they know they are in the wrong.

Try having the conversation side by side, in or out of the classroom.


3. Keep it brief

When emotions are running high for teenagers, their brain’s ability to process verbal information is much lower than usual. Long lectures and lots of explaining will usually result in cognitive overload, where your teenager literally stops processing what you are saying after the first few sentences.

Fall back on KISS – Keep It Simple (and) Short :). State your point clearly, ideally in UNDER 1 minute, and then give them space to process it. It is worth noting that a space without talking often feels waaaay longer than it is. Remember when they were crying babies? 5 minutes of a baby crying usually feels like 30 minutes when you are a new parent. This is similar. Try actually timing the spaces – without practice, staying quiet for a couple of minutes feels like an eternity, but silence gives an emotional teen a chance to think and the space to have something to say, and maybe even apologise!


3. Give them a chance to solve the problem

It’s tempting to just get hard line and go straight to removal of privileges when they let us down or break rules.  This kind of discipline, which might have worked when they were younger, might start to lose effectiveness as they get older. One reason is that it triggers the emotional part of the brain and bypasses the rational centre (the pre-frontal cortex). 

An alternative is to first try giving them a chance to solve the problem. The structure below can be a useful model for how to format the conversation:

  1. Empathy: "I've noticed you look really tired and you are not getting much sleep recently. What's going on?" (Listen without interrupting).

  2. Define the Problem: "The thing is, from my end, I worry about… [Safety/Health/Future]."

  3. Invitation: "Do you have any ideas on how to solve this problem?"


Communication Summary – Hot tips

  • The 1-Minute Rule: Keep it simple. Figure out what you really want to talk about and stick to that – don’t bring in a bunch of other things that annoy you. Practice what you want to say in advance if you need to.

  • Validate First: "I hear that you're stressed/angry/overwhelmed" lowers their cortisol before you move to logic.

  • Side-by-Side Talks: Less eye contact reduces the "threat response" in the adolescent brain.

  • The Power of Pause: Set a time to talk about the issue. When a rule is broken, wait a couple of hours before discussing it. This allows both of you to calm down.



Pre-Conversation Self-Check

  • Am I calm? (If your own amygdala is fired up, wait until your heart rate is below 80 BPM).

  • Is it the right time? (Avoid "H.A.L.T." times: when they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired).

  • Is it side-by-side? 

  • What is the agreed consequence for breaking this rule? (If there isn’t one, you need to agree on what it is today).

  • Have I used the Power of Pause? (Allowing time for their stress hormones to level out before the discussion).


Reminders

  • I will validate their emotion first. ("I hear that you're frustrated.")

  • I will use the 1-Minute Rule. (How do I state my concern in under 60 seconds?)

  • I am going to ask for their solution. ("How do you think we should handle this?")


Further Reading

 
 
 

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